Still Here.

I’ve struggled with what to write since I returned off my Lenten fast of Social Media. It was AMAZING, by the way, and I still wrestle with whether I want to fully engage again or start retreating away from it all.

So many times I wanted to write about where we are in this infertility journey, but found myself at a loss or just staring for hours at one lonely sentence.

“We are still here and still in it.”

photo 5

I wanted so badly to be able to log-on and type those exciting words that I typed last October only then to have to erase them in my heart.

We’ve been waiting, still, and the choice we made – I made – he made – was to try to live joyfully. Not to shy away in a reclusive state, but to find ways to move forward, to find reasons to smile and laugh, and to figure out how to live hopefully in this seemingly never-ending situation.

This is where blogging and life, in general, can get pretty weird. I started writing about infertility awhile ago, but even before that…years before that, I was talking about it with the people in our life. It’s not just been part of our journey…it IS our story and has been for the last 6-7 years. There’s no nice, neat red bow to tie on it…it’s not finished yet.

We press on, walking together Jay & I, and we try to figure out how to do more than just exist…we try to figure out ways to live life abundantly and with a strange joy in the unfinished…in this middle-earth sort of place.

photo 3

I have NO idea when or IF there will be some resolution to our story, if that red bow will ever be tied on. Our life’s story remains in this dichotomy of hopefulness in the hopeless. We fight to hope for the family we both believe we will have one day and yet, we try to not become fixated on the things we cannot see or make happen.

This weekend/holiday has been a hard one to wince through for the past few years, but this year, for some reason, all I want to do and feel is celebration.

To celebrate my mother & my grandmothers. To celebrate the many, many mother-friends in my circles. To celebrate the mothers I encounter on a daily basis who trust us to teach their children how to be better, educated, loving human beings at our school. To celebrate the mothers who are about to be – waiting and holding their breath while their bellies grow. To celebrate the mothers who are “mother and father” as they raise their children alone. To celebrate the mothers who are so, so strong as they battle disease, heartache and loss. To celebrate the mothers who FIGHT for the return of their daughters, ripped from their lives.

To celebrate with the mothers whose children may never become a reality. You, mother, I stand with in solidarity today and for you, mother, I will weep until our stories make sense. For you, mother, I will try to smile and I will try to look for the joy in this waiting place.

“We are still here and still in it…together.”



Backlog…Foodie Friday, Mother’s Day & More!

It is officially the end of what I’ve dubbed “The MOST Busiest of my Entire Year and It’s Only MAY” week! I have two major events at school, Girls on the Run Awards and my GOTR team’s season culminating party AND the 5k race this morning. To top it all off, it is Mother’s Day weekend! What a sweet way to end this crazy week. Jay and I will head down to the wonderful town of Blythewood, SC to visit and celebrate my mother and grandmothers.

I apologize for missing yesterday’s Foodie Friday and for being a little MIA this week, I’ll do better next week…hopefully:) Today I wanted to dedicate this post to my mother. My mom and dad have the sweetest marriage. They just happen to be two of my most favorite people in the world and they are HILARIOUS. I wish you all could meet them because they will make you smile and most likely have you rolling with the greatest “pee-your-pants” laughter you’ve ever experienced.

My mom is the most beautiful woman I know. She is firm and sensitive, funny and sweet…she is loving and fiercely loyal. She had me at a young age and was and is one of the MOST servant-hearted women I’ve ever met. She ALWAYS put others before herself. She is hilarious when it comes to shopping. She’s getting better, but she is one of those…”well it’s on sale, so I must buy 5 of them” kind of shoppers. She is secretly creative and has so many skills…of which gardening is NOT one:) She is a wonderful cook and loves to play games, watch (or fall asleep during) movies, loves to dance (my mom LOVES some hip hop) and is seriously the most generous person I know. I love her for all her good, all her bad and for every freckle on her face. I take a huge, huge amount of pride when family and friends tell me how much I am like her, because if I had my choice of mentors and influences, she would be my pick.

I can only hope that some day soon I can be a mother so that my mom can be the AMAZING grandmother I know she will and wants to be. She is super special and today, tomorrow and everyday I am thankful that she is mine.

My mother…Myra Branham Boulware


told you she's got mad skills


thank God for freckles
my family...this is what we do


she dyed my hair pink...looks pretty proud about it too...

I can’t leave you hanging with NO Foodie Friday recipe…so I’ll leave you with a quick, simple recipe that my MOM made me all through high school:

Myra’s Breakfast Burrito

2 Eggs
1 Tortilla (I used whole wheat tortillas)
Shredded Cheddar Cheese
Salt & Pepper
Bacon (cooked and crumbled)
Mayonnaise (DUKE’s…DUH!)

1. Scramble the eggs in a skillet over med-high heat.
2. When cooked through, sprinkle cheese and bacon on top.
3. Heat tortilla (covered) in microwave for 10-15 seconds to soften it up.
4. Spread mayo down the middle of tortilla (about a tablespoon worth)
4. Place egg mixture on mayo and roll tortilla like a burrito

Delicious! So if you hate mayo, you can use your favorite salsa…and if you’re feeling really sassy, throw some onions and green peppers into the egg mixture with the cheese and bacon. That’s the way we do in the COUNTRY…:)

Have a great mother’s day weekend!!


Head over…

to my friend Jessi’s blog, Naptime Diaries, to read a special guest post from my friend, Kara!

Letter for Those Longing to Be Mothers

Kara has a blog as well where she writes beautiful things about her journey through the “I” word and her family’s journey through the adoption process.



Also on a COMPLETELY different note, this week has been crazy beginning with the announcement of Osama Bin Laden’s capture and death. It’s been a struggle as I just got back into Facebook after giving it up for Lent…I struggled because folks were flocking to the web to pour out some CRAZY…I mean, CRAZY, statements and judgements and just really EXTREME opinions about the whole thing.

I got into it a little on my own “wall” and then just gave up b/c I’m just not quite sure what kind of meaningful dialogue can truly happen over Facebook wall posts…so, the pastor of my church, Renovatus, wrote a blog titled “Osamagate” and beautifully described what the Christian response should be in a situation like this…then followed with another “Osamagate, pt. 2” post in response to the comments he received regarding his first post.

If you were wondering if a church like this actually existed…I’m here to tell you it does. Right here in Charlotte, NC. I love it!